Spring is officially here in Lexington. I absolutely love this time of year here. There's blossoms blooming on the trees and flowers springing up everywhere you look. The Magnolia tree's are particularly stunning. I'll have to get a picture of them. It all just makes me so happy! I've seen a difference in Lydia too, she's much happier if she get's some quality time outside.
While Lydia and I have been dancing in blossoming tulip gardens, Loren's been wallowing in the thorny drudgery of law school. He's been up super late working on things for Black Lung and Law Review. Super late like 3 am. We were getting flashbacks from his 2L year. We really should start making a countdown chain of the days we have left.
Lydia loves playing "dream castle" with daddy.
We had a fun Easter weekend. We decided to do Lydia's Easter basket and egg hunts on Saturday so we could focus more on the Savior on Sunday. I was so excited about the Easter basket that I put it all together Friday night and put it in our room till the morning. In the morning I was out playing with Lydia and snuck in our room real quick to grab something. I didn't see Lydia follow me in and before I knew what was happening, she was squealing, "Easter eggs!! Easter eggs! Look, Momma, Easter eggs in a basket!!" Uh.... Happy Easter! It was a little anti-climatic but oh well. I drug Loren out of bed and we watched her open her eggs and check out her basket from the Easter Bunny.
After that we got ready and drove to the SVU campus in Buena Vista for an Easter egg hunt. Lydia made out like a bandit. There were hardly any kids and there were tons of eggs. She was in heaven squealing, "Look, another one! Oh a green one! Oooh, purple!" She completely filled up her basket and we had to stop her before all the eggs had been found because they kept falling out of her basket. We'll call that a successful egg hunt.
I curled her hair for the first time this morning and had to snap a picture. She loved wearing her "princess dress" for Easter today. She still carries all her now empty eggs around in her basket wherever she goes.
After church we went over to Clint and Michelle's and had an Easter dinner. I brought rolls, cherry bars and a veggie tray while we also had ham, potatoes and beans. We had a great time and it was so fun just to visit and be with our wonderful friends. Adeline and Lydia had fun playing with Adeline's make-up kit she got for Easter. It's been a while since I've seen green eye shadow. What fun for little girls though.
This past week has been a struggle for me in dealing with Lydia's tantrums. She was a little more defiant and whiny than usual and I kept blaming it on not enough sleep or molars coming in. Wednesday we went to story time like usual and afterwords she started playing with the wooden train set. This little 6 month baby was sitting nearby and took one of the trains Lydia was playing with. All the sudden, Lydia pushed the baby over, snatched back the train and shouted, "No, that's mine!" I instantly told her to say she's sorry and let the baby play with the train since we were sharing and she had ten others. She then flung herself on the floor and started crying hysterically and shouted, "NO! NO! It's MINE!" I tried picking her up to take her outside but couldn't because of the way she was squirming and kicking. I could feel every eye in the library on me, moms, kids and library staff. I started sweating and could feel the sting of tears threatening to come. Nothing I said stopped her hysteric cries and this went on for at least five minutes, which doesn't seem like that long but in situations like these, it might as well have been an eternity. Finally, by some miracle, she snapped out of it and we took the walk of shame past all the moms and out the door.
When we were a ways from the library I completely lost it. I was physically and emotionally exhausted. What was I doing wrong as a mom for her to act that way? It wasn't the fact that she took the toy, I'm pretty sure all 2 year olds have problems with sharing. It was the way she acted afterwards that really shook me up. She has tantrums at home too but they don't seem as bad because I don't have an audience watching. I wondered, if I couldn't handle just one child, how in blazes could I handle two? What were we thinking getting pregnant again? The irrational and confusing thoughts kept coming and I found myself deep in a sea of depression and hopelessness.
After talking to my amazing husband that night, I felt better about our pregnancy again- thank goodness. I prayed to know how I could reach Lydia in those situations. I felt like there was something I was missing and I haven't been disciplining in the right way for her. I've had some thoughts and ideas come to my mind since then and have tried implementing them through our day. I've seen such a difference already and am so grateful for the gift of personal revelation. We have such better communication and although things still aren't perfect, toddlers will be toddlers, I feel hope and confidence again that Lydia will be ok. Motherhood is truly one of the hardest, most rewarding thing I've ever done.
I feel like Lydia sensed I was feeling down this week. While we were sitting on the couch one night, she layed her head on my lap, looked into my eyes and said, "Momma, you're my best friend." Moments like those make all the hard time totally worth it.
Welcome to Motherhood! Every mother has had a terrible, similar experience. It was necessary for you to experience this for 2 reasons: 1. You would have never asked your HF what Lydia was needing & how you could do better, and 2. Know what it feels like when you happen to see another mother dealing with a out of control child. What would you have liked to happen (besides the earth opening up and swallowing both of you)? Would it have helped if another mother spoke to you at the time and assured you the other people were totally understanding? Distracted the child with something else? What would have helped you? Now, you can be that angel sent to save another mother from discouraging thoughts.
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